So I will warn you this post is not at all written in the usual tone of our blog, but it needs to be written. At least for me, it needs to be written.
Sometimes I find myself feeling completely beyond jealous of my friends, colleagues and family when it comes to food. I find myself hating food. I find myself hating that I cannot simply just eat. I find myself hating the fact that others take it for granted that they can just eat with ease.
Instead I find myself counting, calculating, guessing, measuring, testing my blood sugar, taking insulin, asking a billion questions and even after all of that....I am still left wondering...wondering if I was told the truth if what I am eating is actually gluten free or not, wondering if my body will function as I assume it will based on what I just ate; given my bodys inability to produce its own insulin to cover said meal.
All in all I am angry. I am angry about food. I am angry at food. I am angry that I cannot simply go on a whim out to any given restaurant (fast food, fine dining etc) and just randomly choose something off the menu. I am angry that everyone around me can! I am angry that every single time I go to put anything in my mouth I have to think and rethink so many different factors before actually just being able to enjoy the food. Do I even get to enjoy food? I don't think so, at least not as others do. In the end, there are times when I don't even get to eat the item because it just doesn't jive with my celiac and/or diabetes needs. It sucks!
It's food for goodness sakes! Food, it's needed for general daily survival and it comes with so many issues for so so many of us.
And to think, these feeling were all stirred up today because a friend was talking about how she planned to run into McDonalds and pick up (fill in the blank) dinner tonight. I realize that I am healthier because I cannot eat that crap, but I also realize I am more angry because I long for the opportunity to run into anywhere in Edmonton and simply choose (fill in the blank) dinner item at a moments notice.
I long for the carbohydrate calculations to be perfectly & correctly provided for me, I long for the 100% guarantee of gluten free & contamination free food available in restaurants and other public eating areas and I long for the ablity to simply choose anything with ease, just as others can. I fear these longings will never happen, but a girl can hope can't she?
I long for the carbohydrate calculations to be perfectly & correctly provided for me, I long for the 100% guarantee of gluten free & contamination free food available in restaurants and other public eating areas and I long for the ablity to simply choose anything with ease, just as others can. I fear these longings will never happen, but a girl can hope can't she?
You spoke for me, too. I am enraged much of the time, I have a tiny appetite now and have lost a dangerous amount of weight so now I worry, worry, worry about the damage this all doing. And I am filled with sorrow. Other people simply do not understand why we are so afraid of and, even,grow to hate food. Thank you for sharing
ReplyDeleteSo true!!! I know exactly how you feel. My daughter has celiac and i am frustrated and angry and just sad on most days.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! In time, you will learn to love food. You ARE better off without the garbage found in a McDonald's etc, trust me. You will find a routine, you will find things that are easy & balance-able and you will learn to love food again.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with your feelings on another hand. I don't particularly enjoy going out to eat unless it's just "us" (as he understands, and has intolerances as well). I don't want to just have a salad; I don't want to skip dessert; I don't want to keep a stash of food in my bag at all times in case all I can have is the salad that I didn't want in the first place.
We have to band together my dear, stick it out together, and learn to love food again.
http://slightlyirritatingandinconvenient.blogspot.com/
Amen Sister!
ReplyDeleteSome days I am so frustrated as well! Sometimes I even dream about eating gluten foods - one night I dreamt about abandoning my health and stuffing my face with donuts. And I didn't even really like donuts in my pre-diagnosis life.
I dream of the day I go to a restaurant and can choose anything off the menu and eat it! I am envious of people who get to choose whatever and really hate being stuck with salad. And I hate when people don't understand why I choose to not eat when we go out, because there is a gluten free choice - but that's just it. There may be one or two choices but I just don't feel like having that - they can choose from the entire menu.
I'm glad to hear about other people who experience the same frustrations.
Thank you everyone for your thoughts & feedback. It is so important to me to hear that I am not alone in these frustrations. I know we write a lot about all the wonderful g-free things that are out there for all of us to enjoy, but I think it's important to be honest and also share when stuff just stinks! OR when the entire situation just stinks! I needed to share that, because it really really upset me the other day.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I did realize in writing this post, while it does feel I am forced to do all these things (measure, calculate, question, be extra careful) in reality....it IS my choice. There are plenty of people out there who don't follow their prescribed diets, don't eat what they're supposed to and they suffer the consequences for their choices & actions. I guess we suffer our own sort of consequences, but I like to believe that w/ our consequences (mainly frustration) will come long, healthy, complication free lives as well!
Thank you again everyone.
amanda~
This may sound harsh, but stop complaining and get over it. It's healthier to be gluten free and really, most people don't need to have McDonalds and all that crap out there. That's not the way we were meant to eat.
ReplyDeleteI so enjoyed this post and thank you for being real enough to write it. I don't feel you were complaining at all ~ for while we all know (those of us who require a gluten free diet) that we are better off and definitely healthier ~ I think it's also a healthy standpoint to admit or say "somedays I find this frustrating and it sucks that my body reacts and is damaged by gluten". I have found your website to be a valuable resource for gluten free living in Edmonton, and appreciate it all the more because you are "real" people that sometimes get frustrated like we all do. Bravo for this post ~ continue the awesome blogging, I certainly enjoy the reading. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI completely disagree with the post above, and I quote, ..."stop complaining and get over it". This blog is a great resource for Celiacs and a safe place to vent. Anyone who reads this blog (I would hope) gets that this is a place for real people with real frustrations. If you vented all the time I guess that comment might (maybe) be warranted. But this blog is positive and helpful - and that comment was completely unneccesary and pointless. Kudos to you for being real, but obviously not staying in that place of frustration and rising above.
ReplyDeleteI am going through an angry crisis about being gluten-free,it's rearing it's ugly head because of the holidays. I'm sick and tired of hearing my mom talk about all of the traditional x-mas cookies she's been baking (all filled with gluten!)..I'm pissed off that I have to plan EVERY meal and that I can't freely eat at the mall when I'm starving while x-mas shopping! I hate having to prepare my own meals when I go to my aunt's house for x-mas eve. I'm angry that even though I am gf, I still get a huge distended belly because of SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth) that keeps rearing it's ugly head. Yes, I'm angry and you know what I'll complain as much as I want! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for posting this. You speak for so many of us. I was diagnosed with coeliac disease in 1976 at age 6 and no one in my life has ever acknowledged that it is extremely frustrating and stressful to have to be vigilant with every single thing you ever eat or drink. It kills all spontaneity! I hate thinking about it or talking about it and yet it's there, all the time, 24/7 for the rest of my life. Having a forum to 'vent' about the emotional impact and social distress that is often experienced with having coeliac disease is enormously helpful. thank you.
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